I have a crush on... who?

Once upon a time when I was starting a new year at university, I developed a teeeny, tiiiiny, little crush on a guy in my class. OK, that's a lie. I really liked him. It was before the man and I started dating. This guy wound up leaving school for a semester and the man and I started dating.

The rest should be history. Should be. But it's not.

I'm finishing up my degree and low and behold - he's in some of my classes. Yay.

My first week of class, I was FREAKED OUT. It's weird to be married and wonder about old crushes. Right? Am I wrong?

Either way, by this point, I hit a realization ... he ain't all that. (Think of me saying it in a sassy tone with a neck move)

He's not my husband. He doesn't even compare to my husband. When I see him in class, I smile because he doesn't add up to anything close to how awesome my husband actually is!

So, I have a crush - I still do. I have a crush on someone but it's the person I'm SUPPOSED to have a crush on. I have a crush on my husband and I hope I ALWAYS crush on my hubby.

I mean, C'MON! Look at this face - how could I not??

He's awesome! Come follow us on our other blog.

Let'r rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppp and let go!

Ok, it's not what you think. I swear!

I'm letting go. I'm letting go of A LOT!

You all know I want kids. I really do. I want a baby. My body is telling me otherwise right now. So, I'm letting go.

It dawned on me a week ago after talking to one of my sisters that getting pregnant is hard work but women have been conceiving children for A LONG TIME - so why do I need to rely on ovulation predictor kits (OPK) and tracking when the old fashioned way seemed to work for so many people?

So, I'm letting go.

A few days ago, I wrote a post about our new car. I was a bit freaked out about paying for yet another expense. I'm letting go. I'm just going to deal with it. We're going to cut back on unnecessary expenses.

Day in and day out I deal with other bloggers and I constantly come across great blogs that talk about raising 3 kids on a tiny little budget. I don't have kids - we do have dogs but I think we can handle rent, a car, and our other needs within our budget range. It'll take a few months to get into the black again but I'm letting go. I won't freak out about only eating rice for the next few months (although, if it happens, I'm OK with it).

In honor of my new found fondness for letting go, I am leaving you with a recipe I will make for dinner tonight courtesy of allrecipes.com!

I'll tell you how it turns out...

Baked Rice and Vegetables in Broth

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup uncooked long-grain rice
• 1 tablespoon uncooked wild rice
• 1/4 cup uncooked brown rice
• 1/4 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
• 1/4 chopped fresh broccoli
• 1/4 cup chopped carrots
• 1/4 cup chopped red bell pepper
• 1/4 cup finely chopped onion
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon dried onion flakes
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 2 1/2 cups vegetable broth

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
2. In a 9 x 13 inch baking dish combine white rice, wild rice, brown rice, mushrooms, broccoli, carrots, bell pepper, onion, salt, onion flakes, paprika, black pepper and broth. Mix well; cover.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until cooked through; stir once during baking.

Whoa...Whoa... Woe?

I try really hard to steer clear of the "woe is me" type of post. I don't really need pity. Having stated that, I am still the granddaughter of two Jewish women who made "woe is me" their mantra.

I'm grateful for my life - eternally grateful. I have a husband that loves me. I'm *almost* done with my degree. I have a job ... that I usually love. I have two great dogs who live and breathe for their "mom"... and follow me around the house. I have great friends. Life is pretty good!

Yet, there's a downside.

Our car broke... AGAIN... and while the repair was super cheap - I hate driving a car that is unreliable. There. I said it. The Black Panther is unreliable. When we bought the car a year ago, it seemed like a good investment. It turns out, it wasn't.

The man and I weren't going to lease a new car until we were 8 months pregnant with a kid. Unfortunately, the time has come for us to lease a car or for me to deal with being sick on the bus. So, now we're getting a new car. You're probably wondering what the downside is... how are we going to afford a new car?!?!?!?!

Yeah, that's the downside. We're students. We're broke.

I told the man that I am OK with eating nothing but noodles and rice for the next few months if that means we can save a little money. Now that I'm thinking about it - our dogs will eat better than we do. Yay.

Any advice?

Scared.

I want a baby.

There. I said it. I want kids. Lots of them. As many as we can afford... which may not be "lots".

When I was around six-years-old, I apparently told my Mom I was never having children because child birth hurt too much. I told her I would adopt. I am no longer afraid of the pain from child birth... but I still want to adopt.

Now, I'm scared. I was told a while ago that it would be hard for the man and I to conceive. Not impossible. Just hard. I'm petrified.

I want a baby.

While this may seem uber gross, I'm late. I've peed on 9 sticks. All of them negative. But I'm late.

We're headed to the doctor tomorrow to see what my ever-so-brilliant doctor has to say. I will face the normal questions about birth control, my diet, exercise, excessive weight loss (I wish!)...etc. I will answer them all to the best of my ability and pray he sends me for a blood test.

Here's what I'm worried about: after the blood test - what if something is wrong.

I've spoken with my sisters, my mom, my stepmom and yet no amount of "I'm sure it's all OK" makes me feel more confident that I'm OK. They don't live in my body! They don't see how much pain I'm in on a normal day - so I really don't expect them to understand why I'm a little freaked out that 9 sticks said "no" but my body is late (which has never happened).

It's times like these that I wish my Gram was in a better frame of mind. She was always really easy for me to talk to (when she wasn't yelling at me to wear a dress or put on lipstick...which I actually did today). My Gram was always really good at calming my fears. The man doesn't get it because, well, he's a man but we're both a little freaked out.

I guess, all I can do is hope for the best... right?