Last Friday, an awesome article came out in the Israeli newspaper - Ha'Aretz - about me and my struggle to be recognized as a Jew in Israel in order to get married here. The response was overwhelming but I felt the need to make a few things clear:
- My Judaism wasn't the only one in question. So for all the idiots that wrote that I am ruining Craig's Jewish identity - HE WAS TOLD THE SAME AS ME ("you're Judaism needs to be validated.") - so suck it.
- My MATERNAL Grandmother is a survivor of the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp ... so don't ever tell me that my mother is not a Jew. I respect her relationship with g-d and she grew up in a time when you had the shit kicked out of you for being a Jew.
- I am not by any means of Saxon origin. I'm Polish and Hungarian. That's it. I look like a Polish Jew. I cook like a Hungarian Jew. I don't look ANYTHING like a Saxon.
- I am not riding the coat-tails of my father's family. Most people never knew that I am a decedent of Nachum Sokolow. I don't get ahead in Israeli society because of it and most Americans have no idea who he was. Regardless, I make my own story and follow my own path - not that of someone else.
- I will not convert for any reason. Why should I have to?
And FINALLY...
- I AM A JEW. If I'm Jewish enough to be hated by the world, I am Jewish enough to get married in the Jewish State. No one should EVER tell me otherwise.
Idiots will always be idiots. Haters will always hate. At the end of the day, I will still marry Craig and the Rabbanut cannot stop that.
20 comments:
The fact that you haven't made any definitive statements in this post is not a sign that you're covering something up, I hope.
Dear Nachum,
I'm not quite sure what you think I'm covering up (or not covering up?) but I have nothing to hide. I'm a proud Jew who hails from Detroit. I'm a Jew first and citizen of the US and Israel second.
I made quite a few definitive statements in my post. I made definitive statements in the article as well. I would not take ANYTHING back. This is the plan g-d has for me.
Hillary, Mazal Tov, hope that you and your future husband build a wonderful Jewish home in Israel.
I'm confused about the problems that you have been experiencing. I thought that the policy of the Rabbanut in Israel was to send anyone who was not married in Israel to the Beit Din to confirm that they are Jewish.
That's what my wife and I had to do when we got married 15 years ago, and most of my friends and relatives who got married here went through the same process.
It is not clear from the Haaretz article or your web post why your situation is different from any of the other thousand of Olim who marry in this country each year.
As an aside, I believe that the way the Rabbanut approaches the issue of proof of Jewishness should be radically revised, but under the current rules, it's normally an inconvenience to go to the Beit Din with witnmesses and/or the necessary documentation, but not enough to warrant marrying in Cyprus and casting a doubt on the Jewishness of future children.
Mazal tov again,
Michael
Dear Michael,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Unfortunately, what you experienced is not how things are done now. We have quite a few friends (Anglo friends) who went to the Rabbanut and had no problem getting the marriage license. Their Jewishness did not need verification. I had all the correct paperwork and was told, initially, that I only needed one more letter from an Orthodox Rabbi. I was also told I did not need to go to the Bet Din if I had this letter. I got the letter, took it back to the Rabbanut and was told I needed to go to the Bet Din.
The problem was they couldn't read English... or Hebrew. I had letters in both languages and it did nothing. I had a stamp from my local Bet Din in the US - as did my fiance... it didn't help. They wanted to cause trouble.
They crossed the line when they asked for ketubot from 4 generations or birth and death certificates. As it states in the article, my grandparents are all survivors of the Shoah and we don't have those papers.
In addition, we have Israeli friends who had their Jewishness questioned. One friend of mine was told she couldn't possibly be born from her parents and must be adopted.
Regardless, the Rabbanut and the Bet Din are far more strict than they were even 5 years ago. Had I gone to the Bet Din, I would have been told I'm not a Jew as they do not recognize Conservative Jews as Jewish any longer. This would have been disastrous for when we have children.
Please keep in mind that they way things were 15 years ago are not as they are now.
Thanks for the response and clarification,
I am still not clear as to why you did not go to the Beit Din. Earlier this year I went to the Beit Din in Jerusalem with an Olah with a Conservative background whose parents never had a Ketuva , and they were able to confirm that she was Jewish without too much hassle.
I have never heard of anyone who rejects a Jew because they are Conservative or Non-Orthodox, unless there was a non-Orthodox conversion, which is not the case with you.
To the best of my understanding, the Rabbinate don't accept letters from any Rabbi that they aren't personally familiar with, which is why they sent you to the Beit Din.
If you have a letter from an Orthodox Rabbi, I find it hard to believe that the Beit Din would not be able to confirm that it is legitimate with a few phone calls.
As I said, I agree that the bureaucracy around the Rabbanut needs to be drastically restructured, I think that it needs to be far more personalized, that a local Rabbi should be response to confirm your Jewishness and do any running around if necessary, not a bureaucrat in the office of the Rabbanut.
That said, your case seems relatively streightforward and I can't see why the Beit Din would give you problems.
Have you spoken to Tzohar or any other organization that are experienced in helping people navigate the bureaucracy of the Rabbinate?
Mazal Tov again, I hope that you and your Chatan are able to successfully resolve these issues and have a wonderful happy wedding,
Michael
Dear Michael,
What isn't mentioned in the article was that I was already declared by one Rabbinate to be "not Jewish" because my mom married a Catholic man in her second marriage and he was around for most of my life. I had a Christmas Tree in my house, my parents celebrated Easter... the whole shabang. I did my best to separate myself from that but some Rabbis see that as me being raised Catholic and not Jewish. They don't care that my grandmother is a survivor of Auschwitz; they don't care that I was very active in a Jewish youth organization; they don't care that I was shomer Shabbat and kept my own Kashrut in a non-Kosher home. They just don't care.
The idea of going to the Bet Din terrified me because if I was found to be not Jewish (which, from what I was told by the Herzliya Rabbanut, was going to be the case given my lack of "credible" Jewish papers), then my future children would not be able to get married in Israel as it would be on record that their mom is a non-Jew... making them halachically not Jewish.
I just simply did not want to take that chance. An American friend of mine had a similar upbringing and eventually went back to America - breaking off her engagement - because the BET DIN told her she wasn't a Jew.
There are thousands of Israelis like me with, as the Rabbanut calls it, questionable lineage. There are Olim who were adopted but were converted and raised Jewish; there are Olim with one Jewish parent and one not-Jewish parent; Olim with 2 Jewish parents who are told the are adopted and not Jews at all... this is the reality. Organizations like Zohar are great (our original Rabbi works within Zohar and said we would have had the same problem with them because it all comes down to the documents.... but they would have been nicer), but they can often cost money.
I want to make this clear - I had the sufficient paperwork. The Rabbis in the Herzliya Rabbanut KNEW my Orthodox Rabbi in the US and had no issues with him. They simply didn't believe that I was really a Jew. They didn't believe Craig was really a Jew either.
That's the bottom line. Would you go to the Bet Din if you were told that they will likely find you to be a non-Jew? Would you do that to your future children? It's just not something I could consider doing to them - which is why I chose to stand up and fight the bureaucracy.
Dear Michael,
What isn't mentioned in the article was that I was already declared by one Rabbinate to be "not Jewish" because my mom married a Catholic man in her second marriage and he was around for most of my life. I had a Christmas Tree in my house, my parents celebrated Easter... the whole shabang. I did my best to separate myself from that but some Rabbis see that as me being raised Catholic and not Jewish. They don't care that my grandmother is a survivor of Auschwitz; they don't care that I was very active in a Jewish youth organization; they don't care that I was shomer Shabbat and kept my own Kashrut in a non-Kosher home. They just don't care.
The idea of going to the Bet Din terrified me because if I was found to be not Jewish (which, from what I was told by the Herzliya Rabbanut, was going to be the case given my lack of "credible" Jewish papers), then my future children would not be able to get married in Israel as it would be on record that their mom is a non-Jew... making them halachically not Jewish.
I just simply did not want to take that chance. An American friend of mine had a similar upbringing and eventually went back to America - breaking off her engagement - because the BET DIN told her she wasn't a Jew.
There are thousands of Israelis like me with, as the Rabbanut calls it, questionable lineage. There are Olim who were adopted but were converted and raised Jewish; there are Olim with one Jewish parent and one not-Jewish parent; Olim with 2 Jewish parents who are told the are adopted and not Jews at all... this is the reality. Organizations like Zohar are great (our original Rabbi works within Zohar and said we would have had the same problem with them because it all comes down to the documents.... but they would have been nicer), but they can often cost money.
I want to make this clear - I had the sufficient paperwork. The Rabbis in the Herzliya Rabbanut KNEW my Orthodox Rabbi in the US and had no issues with him. They simply didn't believe that I was really a Jew. They didn't believe Craig was really a Jew either.
That's the bottom line. Would you go to the Bet Din if you were told that they will likely find you to be a non-Jew? Would you do that to your future children? It's just not something I could consider doing to them - which is why I chose to stand up and fight the bureaucracy.
Dear Michael,
What isn't mentioned in the article was that I was already declared by one Rabbinate to be "not Jewish" because my mom married a Catholic man in her second marriage and he was around for most of my life. I had a Christmas Tree in my house, my parents celebrated Easter... the whole shabang. I did my best to separate myself from that but some Rabbis see that as me being raised Catholic and not Jewish. They don't care that my grandmother is a survivor of Auschwitz; they don't care that I was very active in a Jewish youth organization; they don't care that I was shomer Shabbat and kept my own Kashrut in a non-Kosher home. They just don't care.
The idea of going to the Bet Din terrified me because if I was found to be not Jewish (which, from what I was told by the Herzliya Rabbanut, was going to be the case given my lack of "credible" Jewish papers), then my future children would not be able to get married in Israel as it would be on record that their mom is a non-Jew... making them halachically not Jewish.
I just simply did not want to take that chance. An American friend of mine had a similar upbringing and eventually went back to America - breaking off her engagement - because the BET DIN told her she wasn't a Jew.
There are thousands of Israelis like me with, as the Rabbanut calls it, questionable lineage. There are Olim who were adopted but were converted and raised Jewish; there are Olim with one Jewish parent and one not-Jewish parent; Olim with 2 Jewish parents who are told the are adopted and not Jews at all... this is the reality. Organizations like Zohar are great (our original Rabbi works within Zohar and said we would have had the same problem with them because it all comes down to the documents.... but they would have been nicer), but they can often cost money.
I want to make this clear - I had the sufficient paperwork. The Rabbis in the Herzliya Rabbanut KNEW my Orthodox Rabbi in the US and had no issues with him. They simply didn't believe that I was really a Jew. They didn't believe Craig was really a Jew either.
That's the bottom line. Would you go to the Bet Din if you were told that they will likely find you to be a non-Jew? Would you do that to your future children? It's just not something I could consider doing to them - which is why I chose to stand up and fight the bureaucracy.
Thanks again for the clarification.
I have heard these types of stories before, and it drived me crazy that the Rabbanut manages to turn what should be a happy moment in one's life into a bureaucrat nightmare.
This is not only a terrible Chilul Hashem, but a lost opportunity to reach out to people who may have had little contact with Judaism.
Your story inspired a blog post, hope that you don't mind that I included a link to your blog.
http://tinyurl.com/3ax5hrc
I hope that you are able to quickly and successfully resolve the issues with the Rabbanut, and together you and your Chatan build a Bayt Neeman BYisrael
Dear Michael,
I feel honored that you would include a link to my blog.
The Rabbanut is doing an injustice to all Jews by turning people away instead of welcoming them in. Change will only happen if people speak out and I chose to speak out in hopes that things could change.
Only time will tell.
With or without the Rabbanut, I am getting married next week - they can't stop me.
> - My MATERNAL Grandmother is a survivor of the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp
But how is that relevant? Lots of non-Jews were in Auschwitz too.
At any rate, to be perfectly cynical, the easy solution was in front of you all the time. Just find out how many American dollars in an envelope it will take to make this "rabbi" change his mind.
No, I'm not kidding.
BTW, thanks for commenting on my blog. I have some questions for you there.
Hillary: My apologies. I guess I was looking for something along the lines of "My grandmother was born Jewish" or something. I see you've said that elsewhere.
But you know what? You shouldn't have to say that. Let me wish you a huge mazal tov and best wishes for the future.
When my sister got married in Israel, her rabbi (Orthodox) back in New York wrote a letter (I delivered it). He basically wrote, yes, she's Jewish, I've known her family for years, etc. At the end, he added, "And her father was my rebbe in yeshiva back in the third grade."
The Rabbanut in Jerusalem took one look at that and said, "Father? But he doesn't say anything explicitly about your mother!"
If you don't laugh, you have to cry. When I made Aliyah, I needed a letter from the rabbi. He asked if he should include the line about my father, and I said, "Ummm...better leave that bit out." Now I'm worried about what's going to happen when it's my turn to get married here, hopefully soon.
One of my Russian-born cousins got married in Cyprus. Another is simply living with the father of her two kids, no marriage. And fanatically-religious me doesn't blame them a bit.
Dear MGI,
First, your welcome for writing a comment.
Second, how DARE you tell me to pay off the Rabbanut. That is not an answer - it only complicates matters and adds more hypocrisy to the system. It's not the easy solution and it is also IMMORAL!!!!
Third, you're right- many non-Jews were sent to Auschwitz... none of them were made to wear a Magen David (yellow) on their uniforms (if you can call it that). My Grandma did. You want to call her and verify it with her? She'll be glad to tell you how the Poles beat the shit out of her for "dancing in the streets of Budapest" while they were in the camps in 1942. She'll be glad to tell you how she almost sold her body to a German guard for a piece of bread because she was convinced he was going to kill her afterwards because she was a "dirty Jew". She'll be more than happy to tell you how my mom and uncle were constantly beaten up in school as kids in the US for being Jewish.
Lastly, I am not interested in answering your questions as you honestly thought I was low enough to offer the Rabbanut a bribe. I would NEVER bribe a public official much less put my family in a type of situation that involved something so deplorable. You should be ashamed of yourself! If you are an observant Jew - you should know better.
You owe me AND every other Jew who has gone through this problem a massive apology for your bigoted and ignorant comments.
Dear Nachum,
Thank you for the clarification. It's upsetting what this balagan has come to.
I wish you nothing but nachas and I hope you find someone who completes you in the way that Craig completes me. I hope you find your "partner in crime" and that you respect each other.
I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you have an easy time with the Rabbanut. When all else fails, get a letter in Hebrew from a local Israeli Orthodox Rabbi that states that you are, indeed, single and Jewish. However, never be something you are not. Never pretend to be someone you aren't and always hold true to your beliefs. Someone will love you for this and I think it looks much better to the big guy upstairs.
Whoa Hillary, you've clearly taken offence where none was meant so let me clarify:
> Second, how DARE you tell me to pay off the Rabbanut.
Simple. I know peole who have done it. It always solved the problem. Listen, there is an ideal world and a realistic world. When you're dealing with the Rabbanut you have two choices: you can be humiliated (as was done to you) or you can just hand the money over and get the piece of paper. After all, your marriage occurs when you stand under the chupah with your husband. In Israel you need that paper to legitimize it in the eyes of the state but that's it.
Further, the more I think about this story, the more I think that is what was being hinted to you. Four generations of kesubos? Come on! Even before the war, who could come up with that kind of documentation? Either he was saying "Get out of here!" in code or he was saying "Gimme a couple thousand greenbacks and I'll count them as the missing documentation".
Now I can appreciate your frustration at how warped the system is but unless you're equipped to bring it down, sometimes paying off the right person, muttering under your breath and then getting on with your life is the path of least resistance.
Next, I never meant to question your grandmother's Jewishness, God forbid. Nor did I wish to minimize the suffering she went through because she was Jewish. My point is that the argument "I must be Jewish because my grandmother was in Auschwitz" is an irrelevant one. You are Jewish because your mother was when you were born. Done. You shouldn't need any argument other than that!
> you honestly thought I was low enough to offer the Rabbanut a bribe.
Ah, I don't consider that low. I consider that dealing realistically with the situation.
> I would NEVER bribe a public official much less put my family in a type of situation that involved something so deplorable.
Then you don't know too much about Israel and how things work there.
I meant no offence, I'm simply trying to dialog this. Please put your flame thrower away.
Also Mazel tov on your upcoming wedding. May the two of you build a beautiful Jewish home together
Give me a break. Thank God there are people out there who stand on their principles and refuse to consider being immoral. Bribery is simply never the solution. (Erm, may I add that it's also really, really against God's command in the Torah?)
I deal with Israeli government offices all the time. (I'm a lawyer.) It can be frustrating, sure, but eventually you get what you need. Usually it's just a matter of being nice and being persistent. (Playing the "dumb oleh" card doesn't hurt either.) Needless to say, I've never had to offer a bribe, although I know our secretary sometimes tapes a candy to the bottom of some letters. :-) If the Rabbinate is different, well, that's awful, but it's no reason to stoop to their level.
By the way, my sister and brother in law eventually became friendly with one of the workers in the Rabbanut- not a guy in charge, but he knew everyone else, and that's what they needed. That and we have an old family friend who happens to be a registered rabbi. It's ridiculous and impossible, but the last thing we need to get into is bribes.
Hillary, your brachot are amazing. Thanks so much- I do need them right now. A thousandfold to the both of you. And I know it can be awful now, but the best bracha I can offer is that ten years or so from now, you'll look back on this and have a good laugh. Maybe even something to tell the grandkids: "When Saba and Savta got married, it was so bad they wanted us to prove we were Jewish! Can you imagine?" (Come to think, that'd be a bracha for all of us.)
Hi Hillary,
A couple of clarifications, if that's okay with you.
1) Who told you that you need additional documents. i.e. Was it the secretary working in the rabbinate office?
2) Specifically what documents were demanded (i.e. kesubos?)? And for how many generations?
3) When you advised him that due to the holocaust they were destroyed, what precisely (more or less) was his response?
4) Did you try to appeal to his superiors within the rabbinate? To whom, and what was their response? Or did you simply drop the matter after the entry-level person you spoke to asked you for those documents or told you to go to beit din?
5) Are you born from your mothers first marriage?
Thanks and good luck!
Dear Samuel,
Just out of curiosity, did you read any of the article? The answers to your questions are there. It would have been smarter for you to read the original article before asking these questions as I do not like to repeat myself. I will answer them shortly here:
1) Who told you that you need additional documents. i.e. Was it the secretary working in the rabbinate office? We were told this by the MANAGER (not a secretary as you ask) of the Wedding section of our local Rabbanut.
2) Specifically what documents were demanded (i.e. kesubos?)? And for how many generations? I was told to get 4 generatios of Ketubot or birth/death certificates.
3) When you advised him that due to the holocaust they were destroyed, what precisely (more or less) was his response? His response: that is not my problem, it's yours.
4) Did you try to appeal to his superiors within the rabbinate? To whom, and what was their response? Or did you simply drop the matter after the entry-level person you spoke to asked you for those documents or told you to go to beit din? The matter was handled by the manager of the marriage section of our local Rabbanut. We did not go to the bet din (as we were told) because I did not want someone to tell me I'm not a Jew and have it be on record.
5) Are you born from your mothers first marriage? Yes
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